helpless.

Just finished studying for the day..I was very unproductive with the start of my day today because all I wanted to do was re-enact the Lazy Song. It was the perfect day for that. Actually, when is it not a lazy day for me? I didn't get down to business until around 6pm..how horrible is that when my final is in less than 2 days!! As a result, I had to study until 3am. And I should be sleeping but I had some things I needed to get off my chest and rant.

I have never been so frustrated with a person in my entire life. I have never felt so helpless. I feel like no matter what I do, things will never be the way it used to be. We weren't ever prepared to face a predicament like this one, and I seldom wonder why it has to happen to us. What have we done to deserve this? Better yet, what have you done? It tears me to pieces knowing they witness something they shouldn't have to see. And I wish I could find a solution..but I am so fed up with dealing with you. I will never trust you with the opposite sex, and I will never trust the opposite sex with you. After the encounter with the stranger in a house I never envisioned myself to be in, I begged not to relive a moment like that one again. You and your vulnerability leads me to conclude that you are not mentally capable to make your own decisions and you cannot see right and wrong. It worries me, but all that can come out of my mouth are words that probably hurt you. But understand that, I have done all that I can in the past to rescue you. And I have gone out of my way to take responsibilities for your thoughtless actions. Sure it may not seem like it in your eyes and other peoples, I feel like I've done my part. Why is it so hard for you to understand reality and where we are coming from? Do I really need to slap you across the face and tell you to wake up? I know that without professional help, I sure as hell do not think that this situation will get any better. It frightens me to invade your privacy and read your diary; you start every single post with profanity and negativity and you end it with the same. Just when I thought I figured you out inside out, there are a lot of things that still puzzles me. I suppose these are the symptoms of your condition? I want to help you for the sake of them, but how? Where am I supposed to go about from where I left off? I'm on the verge of giving up, to just let you help yourself. Let other people help you, or wait for yourself to seek assistance. I cannot help but wish you were like the others...I wish you watched over me instead of the other way around. The relationship between us perhaps will never mend. How ironic that when everyone is discreetly trying to fix you, you are in turn breaking us.