Sunday, May 6, 2012
People used to envy my family. They used to say things like "You have such a happy family!", "Your kids are so obedient!", "Your parents are so cute." I used to envy my family. Upon hearing about other family conflicts, I would always be grateful that I had none. It is hard to recall when exactly things started to change. And it wasn't for the better. This place that I'm supposed to call home has turned into a place I loathed coming home to. I would rather be anywhere in the world than home. It's tiring. It's the same shit everytime. And it's left me at the point where I'm speechless, emotionless, and helpless. I don't know what I can do to help. To fix this dysfunctional family of mine. I can't envision happiness here because this will never fix itself. It's a downward spiral from here unless a miracle happens, and frankly I don't believe in them. I ashamed to say that I'm physically capable of reaching a solution, but I don't have the strength to pull through this by myself. I can't do this myself. If I could leave everything that I have behind me, buy a plane ticket leave this place with no consequences, I would.